Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Open Letter of Open Letteryness

Dear Idio- I mean, people standing in the middle of the hallway,

There's a....problem? No....conflict? Issue? Area of concern? Sure. There's an area of concern I would like to discuss with you. You see, when you stand, well, in the middle of the hallway during passing time, you cause what might be described as a traffic jam.

The heart of the problem is the fact that you insist on standing in just one wing of the school in huge clumps, which, for some reason, kind of remind me of the tops of broccoli - with those little individual seedy things forming lumps, and which are rather unpleasant to eat. Not that I'd want to eat you, just, you know, figuratively speaking.

Anyway, when you gather in such large groups, there is little room for others to squeeze by you. Imagine trying to hug a wall as you slide into people who are trying to go the other way. In addition, imagine that you are, say, five foot two, and don't particularly enjoy injuring yourself by trying to balance in ridiculously high heels, so it's kind of hard to maneuver through a group of tall people in the first place. I'm sure you can see why this might become troublesome after a while.

Now, I realize that I am the poor, pathetic, geeky teacher's pet who hurries to her next class immediately after the bell rings. I understand that I am looked down upon for being woefully inadequate when it comes to  following current fashion trends. And yes, my obsession with cats does border on the extreme. But I have a right to pull the stereotypical American move and say that I have a right to walk in the hallway without having to fight my way through.

So, please, if you could do a person a favor and distribute yourselves among the other wings and other hallways so that my fellow geeks and I can walk in peace, it would be greatly appreciated.

Humbly yours,
Kaitlin Heidelberger

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